The Legend of the Happy Machine
by Lavitz Slambert
Summary: Meru has lost her happy machine and needs help from Dart and friends. Will they be able to find it?


The Legend of the Happy Machine.....  
  
Chapter 1 *The Happy Machine*  
  
"Damnit!!!!" Lloyd grabbed the checkerboard and threw it across the room. "you goddamn cheater!!!!" Lloyd took out his Dragon Buster and threatened his opponent. "Lloyd calm down it was only a checkers game!" Dart patted Lloyd on the back "you'll get him next time" "Alright fine" "Well it's getting late and my mom is gonna want me home so i'll play you some other time ok Lloyd?" The little 5 year old hopped out of the chair and scurried home. "Your such a loser, Lloyd" Lavitz walked into the room laughing. "Hey shut up before i kill you again, bastard!" Lavitz threw Lloyd an angered look "If i knew you had that damn sword i would not have died!" "Yeah, yeah whatever you damn bastard, go home to your mother and have her sew your balls back on" "What did you say?!?!" Lavitz grabbed Lloyd by the neck and lifted him to the wall with ease. "Say that again!!!" "Guys stop!" Dart separated them and lead them outside "we have some visitors" "who this time?it better not be those damn people that ride bikes and talk about real estate insurance." "It's not" Kongol stepped forward with Meru walking behind him. "Kongol helps Meru.But Kongol not enough help for Meru.Need more help." "Help with what?"Lavitz asked politely Meru started to blush. "Meru lose happy machine.Kongol and friends help her find it." By now Meru is bright red. "uh...yeah can you help me find it?" Lavitz,Lloyd, and Dart exchange glances then burst out laughing. "It's not funny you guys!!!!!" Meru runs off crying. "you make Meru cry!!!!bastards!!" Kongol grabbed Dart and Lavitz by their legs and beat the crap out of Lloyd with them. "we're sorry!!we'll help her find her happy machine!!" Kongol put them down and let them regain their balance. "Me call Meru and tell her" Kongol rushed in the direction Meru ran. "ok well I guess we should go help Kongol" All three run off.  
  
Intermission......go grab some popcorn and a drink cuz its snack time!(*snack time*) Careful with the keyboard,dont spill anything on it! ^_^  
  
  
  
"So where did you last se the happy machine Meru?" Lavitz asked trying to hold back the massive laugh withing him. "where I always have it,I like it there.it makes me feel good knowing that its there.sometimes I take it out,but since it gives me that nice feeling I just put it back in again. Now Lavitz is out of the room laughing his brains out. He comes back into the room and Meru gives him a depressed look. "I'm sorry Meru"Lavitz sat back down beside her. "Describe this happy Machine" "Well,its got buttons.and when you push them it activates.There is this one button i love very dearly." "would it happen to be the on button?" "yes!how did you know?" Lavitz chuckled "I just guessed" "your a great guesser!" "uh....thanks" Lavitz and Meru walked back outside where Lloyd,Dart and Kongol awaited. "You know now Lavitz?" "yes, Kongol.I know now" "But where do you think it could be Meru?" Dart asked trying to sound serious. "I....I think that...Shana might have it..." "What?!?!?!?!you shared that with her?!?!" "No!!!! She wanted to borrow it from me but i said no cuz i love it to much!!" Dart started breathing heavily. "Calm down Dart" Lloyd imitated Dart and patted him on the back "its only a happy machine" Lloyd chuckled Dart looked at him with a serious face. "Lloyd...your gonna die" Lavitz separated them before Dart cold do anything. "please both of you just stop.lets concentrate on finding the happy machine" Chapter 2 *Shana*  
  
"You think i took the happy machine?" Shana asked innocently. "Yes i do.Do you have it?" Meru asked sheepishly "No,I dont have it" "Yes you do!!!! I'm gonna have to kick your...."Lavitz covered Meru's mouth before she finished her sentence. "Calm down Meru!" Dart put his arm around Shana. "Sweety?do you have Meru's happy machine?" "No, I dont. I said I didnt dont you believe me Dart?" "Yes i do but are you sure you dont have it?" "I dont have the damn happy machine!!!!" Shana sent Dart on a trip to the floor with a massive slap from hell....the kind of slap that could be heard from a mile away...the kind of slap that didnt feel good at all.....the kind of...well you get the idea. Dart lay there not moving. "wha...what are you looking at?!" Shana asked. Everyone just mumbled and walked out of the house with a surprised look on their faces. Yelling could be heard from inside the house. then a few "I'm Sorry" 's were said. "Why are people like that?I think that people who fight should'nt stop until someone dies" Lavitz looked at Lloyd with a disgusted face. "Quit lying you bastard,you know thats not how you feel.Your all lovey dovey with sister Wink." "Hey forget you Lavitz!" Lloyd turned away with a red face. "You bastard Lavitz,just shut up.I don't want to hear anything else from your mouth" Lavitz opened his mouth as he was about speak but....  
  
"SHUT UP SHANA!!!!!!" Dart stormed out of the house and slipped on some doggy poo. "argh!!" he fell face first into the ground and started crying. "Dart!" Shana came running outside "Are you ok?!" "I'll be fine.." "Damn you bastard!" Shana stepped on the back of Dart's head and walked back inside. Rose came walking up from the distance. "Whats all the commotion about?" Lavitz smiled at Rose. "Meru lost her Happy Machine" Meru hit Lavitz's arm and turned bright red. "Dont be telling everyone!!" "Does it glow in the dark?" "no Rose....it doesnt" "Then i dont have it" There was an awkward moment of silence until Lavitz spoke up.....  
  
"Who else do you think might have it Meru?" Meru paused for a second to think...................AHEM...Meru paused for a SECOND to think........  
  
MERU!!!!  
  
"Huh? oh im sorry!" Yeah whatever. "Hey forget you!!" "Meru dont argue with the writer of the story!" "Why not Lavitz?Cuz he made you cool and made me have to lose my happy machine?!what the hell is it anyway?! i dont even know!!" Just go along till the end and you'll see. "fine!" Rewinding.......  
  
There was an awkward moment of silence until Lavitz spoke up.....  
  
"Who else do you think might have it Meru?" Meru paused for a second to think... "I think that Haschel might have it." "Good job Meru,Kongol like your thinking" "Why thank you Kongol!" Meru got up and did a little dance then everyone walked off with her to Hachel's house. Kongol's loincloth began to lift up slowly as he stared at Meru with a huge smile......  
  
Chapter 3 *Haschel* "What the hell would Haschel want with Meru's Happy Machine?!?!" Lloyd kept asking everone the same thing over and over again. "I don't know Lloyd!!now just shut up!!" Everyone was standing in Haschel's front yard while Meru knocked on the door. "Haschel are you in there?" "I'm coming I'm coming" Haschel opened the door wearing nothing but his boxers. "Oh crap!!" Haschel slammed the door shut while the guys gagged in disgust.Kongol didn't notice.he was staring at Meru with a big smile. few mins later.......  
  
"Ok im sorry about that" Haschel opened the door fully clothed. everyone let out a sigh of relief.Except for Kongol.....what was he doing?....he was staring and Meru thats what!! "Do you have my happy machine?" "Oh yeah as a matter of fact Meru i do!" Haschel went back inside and came out a few minutes later puzzled. "I don't have it...i thought i did but i guess i dont" "Aww we're never gonna find it!!!" Meru kneeled on the ground with her behind in the air.... Kongol's loincloth started lifting up again..... "No more waiting!!!" Kongol ran up to Meru and stuck his hand under his loincloth. "Meru?" Meru looked up and Kongol with puzzled eyes at what he was doing. "Kongol want you to have this" Everyone except Meru looked away as he pulled somthing out from under his loincloth..... "Thank you Kongol aww its so small and cute!!I love it!!"  
  
(What is going through your sick mind right now?I bet I know.now slap yourself cuz its not what you think it is dummie!!)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Everyone turned back to see a small bunny in Meru's arms. "Thank you so much Kongol!!!This cheers me up!!" "I can take this anymore. C'mon Lloyd" Rose smiled and grabbed Lloyd by the belt and walked off into a house with him. Lloyd could be heard screaming "I'm your Bit.."well lets not finish what he said.i think we all know what it was....and i also think we all know what was going on in there.... Back to the Story....  
  
Chapter 4 "I Found It!!!!"  
  
"Well this cheers me up Kongol but i still didnt find my happy machine" Meru looked down with dissapointment. "Why dont we just go to a store?maybe we can even buy Lavitz a new pair of balls." Dart chuckled at his little joke.the chuckly kind of chuckle.the kind that was quickly interupted by a squeal and some moaning.... "I was only joking Lavitz"Dart said in between moans. "Yeah well I was too.I didnt actually think I'd hurt your balls by kicking them full force!bastard..." Lavitz laughed. Dart lay there crying.Kongol and Meru played with the bunny and Haschel went back inside for some more "training in his boxers". "Well I'm gonna keep searching!" Meru stood up and walked off.Kongol followed. "wait for me!" Lavitz walked after them. Dart got up and *headed* for Shana's house to try and make up with her."Head", being the reason he wanted to make up with her. *At The store* "Wow! look at all of this stuff!" Meru was amazed by the children's department and the section of underwear that had the mysterious fellow with a red and blue outfit swinging from a building way up high in the sky.There was also a pair with a picture of a dark figure with a cape and a picture of a bat behind him. "I like this one! i'll take it!" Meru reached for it but didnt quite grab it....someone else beat her to the punch but never noticed little Meru there. "Look i got the last one!!" "Hey i wanted those!"Meru cried. "Oh hi i didnt see you!im sorry! My name is Jen whats yours?wait a minute!are you Meru?!" "Yes i am.How did you know?" Jen dropped the pair of batman underwear in shock. "OMG!!!!! That means..." She scanned the room and her eyes found Lavitz. "Lavitz!!!!" She ran to him and hugged him. "Do i know you?" "My name is Jen!" She kissed him. "Well...hi Jen." Lavitz said confused. "Jen, mom's calling you!!!!!" "Oh shut up Dylan!leave me alone!" "Who is Jen yelling at" Kongol walked closer to the group and accidentally swung his arm into Dylan and smacked him into a rack of clothes Dylan lay there crying and moaning. "Where is Lloyd?" Jen asked Lavitz sweetly. "He's.....with Rose" "Oh ok" Jen smiled and kept her arms around Lavitz. Lavitz,not knowing of anything else to do,simply hugged Jen back and kissed her cheek. Dylan saw this and got up and started dancing and yelling out "Jen has a boyfriend! Jen has a boy friend! Jen has a boyfriend!" Kongol smacked him into another rack of clothes....this time on purpose. "Kongol like that!"He picked up Dylan and proceeded to throw him into as many racks of clothes as he could until Dylan stopped yelling and just lay there....breathing,but not moving. "Awww,toy broke" Kongol picked him up to examine him,then dropped him and walked off into another part of the store. And while ass this was happening,Meru took advanatge of Jen's shock and picked up the pair of batman underwear she wanted to buy,then she walked up to the counter and paid for it,then she motioned for Jen and Lavitz to follow her. Several Minutes later......in a thrift shop....  
  
"I found it!!!!" Jen and Meru quickly turned away from the "on sale" rack of clothing to see what Lavitz found. "What did you find?!" Lavitz quickly swung his hands behind his back. "Uh...nothing...." "What is it?!" Meru started to hyperventilate. "(Sighs) I'll check.." Jen walked up to Lavitz and pulled his arms out from behind his back. "An enlarger?!" "No!!!!Thats not what it is Jen!!" "Then why the hell does it say Enlarger right here on the front of the box?!" "Cuz i got the wrong box! thats all..." Lavitz ran off with his face hidden in his hands. Jen chased him and quickly caught up with him due to the fact that his hands covered his eyes and he kept crashing into all kinds of things...he even hit Dylan in the face on accident with his knee,but who cares....well anyway..... "Leave me alone...please just go" "aww come on dont be shy" Jen undid Lavitz's pants,lifted his boxers and looked inside "Gasp!" Jen quickly zipped his pants back up and patted his shoulder. "Lavitz?...your doing great...trust me...." Jen walked away thinking...(What the hell is his problem?!How much bigger can that thing get?I thought he was shoving like three pairs of socks in there or somthing but....) Jen turned around and ran into Lavitz arms. "Why did you want it bigger?It's just fine" "Like i said before Jen....i grabbed the wrong box" They walked back towards the isle they were in before. "Excuse me sir,do these work?" A strange man with red clothes asked. Lavitz gave the man a confused look. "I'm not sure...maybe" "Luitenant Biggs sir!" "What is it Wedge?!Can't you see im shopping for us?!and dont call me that!remember what i told you to call me!" "Oh,im sorry sir...uh i mean....I'm sorry baby" Biggs tried to speak in a girly voice "Oh,its ok dear" They walked off holding hands. "What just happened here Jen?" "I...I...uh...." "I know!" Meru jumped up and down "Those two guys were..." Lavitz quickly covered Meru's mouth. "Shhhh......dont say it" Lavitz Meru and Jen left the store... Chapter Five Happy (Machine) Ending?  
  
As Lavitz Meru and Jen were walking along,ther were stopped by Dart,who was out of breath. "huff,huff....i found it Meru....huff ......huff its...huff over here" Dart ran off with Jen and the others following. They soon reached a small shack with a garage sale in front. "there it is Meru" Dart pointed to a huge rectangular object "Hey!!a Jutebox!!!!" Meru ran up to it and put her arms around it...well she tried,but ofcourse they were too short. Lavitz and Jen dropped their jaws. "But...thats not what...." Dart pointed to the writing on it "See? it says The Happy Machine" "Thank you Dart" "Shh. shut up all of you...do you hear that?" there was a small vibration in the ground...they all looked at a puddle of water in the grass as the vibration created small circular waves in it. Soon stomping could be heard...and soon a large shadowy figure....it was Kongol,carrying a small box. "You found happy machine Meru" "Yes,i did"Meru smiled and looked at the box Kongol was holding. "Oh,this is for you Meru,i got it" Kongol smiled and handed the box to Meru. "Thank you Kongol" Meru opened the box and pulled out a see through bra and a G-string. "Umm.....thank you?" Komgol smiled and said "I got it" "Ok now how the hell can that happen Lavitz?shes so small and he's...big" Jen looked at Lavitz questioningly. "I dont know...." Jen smiled and started making out with Lavitz. Meru sat down with her box at her side and sighed thinking...(I still didnt find it....) She started at the grass and her eyes lightened up."There it is!" She picked up an object from the ground and quickly put it in her box. Kongol saw all of this....since he was staring at her the whole damn time with a huge smile. "Now you find it Meru.....you find the vibra..." Meru jumped up high and slapped her hand over Kongol's mouth. "SHH!! you dont say anything about this!" She kissed his cheek and hopped off of him. Jen and Lavitz saw none of this.cuz they were making out ofcourse....then they walked off into a house....and a few minutes later Lavitz was heard singing Incubus' song "The Warmth" Dart,walked off towards Shana's house...for somthing i will not mention simply because it was already mentioned earlier in this story...he just wanted it to happen to him again. "Well,thank you Kongol for everything,I'll see you later!" Meru skipped toward her house while Kongol watched her."Goodbye Meru!" Kongol watched her walk off.....slowly but surely,his loincloth began to slowly raise....this time there was no rabbit in it.  
  
*The End* 


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